Sexual addiction, an umbrella term which includes pornography addiction, is likely the most harmful addiction when it comes to marriages.
The reasons for this are numerous and include the shame associated with this addiction for both the addict and the spouse, the sense of betrayal, and stereotypes linked to the addiction.
Since this is a “process addiction,” versus a chemical addiction, it is so hard for wives to understand. There are many different compartments so that he can divide his life up into separate components that don’t touch each other.
This lack of understanding can cause numerous misconceptions to be held as truths and can postpone healing. His marriage and family can be in one compartment, his job in another…you get the point.
At the height of his addiction, nothing, not even the risk of losing his job or his marriage, is enough to stop him.
This explains how a politician or celebrity can make such risky, career-destroying moves without stopping to consider the consequences.
Women’s brains are more like spaghetti where everything is connected.
We are more likely to be worrying about our kids when we are at work and thinking about work when we are at home.
Later I will discuss the kinds of consequences that can catapult an addict into reality.
Norman Doidge, psychiatrist and author of the acclaimed book, , studied porn addicts.
This topic is beyond our scope here, but it is important for a wife to be aware that there is a reason her husband became addicted to porn, and that reason is not her.
It can be harder than you think to find a counselor who really gets the trauma you have suffered as a partner of a porn or sexual addict.
This will educate you on the sex-addiction induced trauma model. Ask if they use the term co-addict to label partners of sex addicts, especially before they have even met them.