But a common mistake is to be so overwhelming that the other person never gets to say anything about him or herself.Truly, the most winning way to get to know people is to get them to talk about themselves — and really listen closely.You can casually chat with people you find attractive and see how you feel. It's okay to talk about your spouse, of course, because she was a big part of your life and her death continues to affect you, so grief is a topic for discussion.
But just becomes it's relatively easy to find a potential partner doesn't mean you should start dating before you think about your goals and desires.Meeting new prospects before you're emotionally prepared can feel infinitely worse than sitting home alone every Saturday night. If you agree with all of them, go forth and conquer.I reassure them by saying that taking that first step is the hardest part.If you've been out of the dating pool for a long time, starting up again can be frightening.You are going to have to tell them who you are, and you are going to have to share your feelings.
You don't have to jump into dating, even if women (or men) are pounding on your door. If you only want to talk about your spouse and aren't interested in learning about your date, then you're not ready.My audiences are people who are motivated enough to show up at such an event — but scared silly about diving into a dating world they hadn't even thought about for decades!It's my job not only to teach them some new skills about dating, but to calm their fears.You can go out with someone without calling it a date, and without any thoughts of it being romantic or leading to marriage. Sparks are fun, but you may need to get out of the house and be among people more than you need romance. Do you want to move to a different part of the country? You have the opportunity to figure these things out and try new ideas. Maybe you'll find that you want to live alone for a time and see other people only socially.You can just enjoy an evening out and make a new friend. Now is a good time to take stock of your life, because the last time you probably did this was 10 or 20 years ago. Then, when you start dating, you and the other person will know what you want. John Bayley, the husband of Iris Murdoch, the British novelist and philosopher, "fumbled" around with two women after Iris died not knowing what he wanted in a new relationship, or what the women wanted who showed up on his doorstep. Nothing has to happen if you don't want it to, or if you don't feel ready. Build up your confidence by talking with people you find attractive at social gatherings. Simply talk like you're a human being and not a man. Don't try to be the one in control or pretend that you know everything.Women typically aren't in a hurry to date because they have a larger circle of friends where they can share their grief. From the statistics I've read, men remarry faster than women who have lost a spouse. Anyone you date will be a different person and it will be a different relationship. The person you date will have a different set of likes and dislikes.